I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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