the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
