I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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