Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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