im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
