You work out of a Hotel?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
