Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
