I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
