I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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