Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
