how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
