took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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