she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize