in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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