i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
