the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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