Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We left the knife in your bed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize