Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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