Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
