So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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