There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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