Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize