Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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