so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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