Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
A bitchslap is in order.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
