hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
