It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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