I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
