She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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