real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
