I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
And then he peed in my hair
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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