I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think I sprained my soul last night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
