I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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