So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
