I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
