Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have tasted many bathrooms
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
