just come out here and I will go home with you...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize