It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
worst night to have a conscience
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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