I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
