I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
