Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
