1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
