i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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