Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
