That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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