i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize