I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
