You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Me. At least after what I've been through.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
