i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
