Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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