the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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