He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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