The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize