Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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