I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
