I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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