What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
