Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
