So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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