im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Randomize
