Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
