I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
