You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
