Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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