apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
