HIV tests are more positive than that guy
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
