After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize