Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
God, I missed his penis.
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