I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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