I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
