Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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