Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
