we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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