I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize