Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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