I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
