Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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