The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Your penis caused this!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
