...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
