Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
