Yo dont text me then not text me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
