Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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