How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
