If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
