Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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