Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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