You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Enjoy the penises
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
