Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
