She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
