Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
