U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
