i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
