my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
