U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize