just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
