He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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