If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
