Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize