what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
