The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
