I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
