dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize