ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
