Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
