he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
