I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't put those talents on a resume
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
