I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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