Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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