just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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