do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
