i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
