Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
