So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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